MATTS AND MORE . . .

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.
“How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil.
“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.
“You did WHAT ???” the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
“You know,”explained the boy,
“I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later….”Da-ad….”
“What?”
“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”
“No, You had your chance. Lights out.”
Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”
“WHAT?”
“I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??”
I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”
Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”
“WHAT!”
“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him
“How do you expect to get into Heaven?”
The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, ‘For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!’”

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
A mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?”
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
“I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.”
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.”

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children’s sermon.
All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?”
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone,
“Yes, and my Mom says it’s a bitch to iron.”

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, “Mommy, you are getting fat!”
I replied, “Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.”
“I know,” she replied, but what’s growing in your butt?”

7. A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, “Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine…”
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”
The little boy answered, “I’m doing my math homework, Mom.”
“And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked.
“Yes,” he answered.
Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my son in math?”
The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.”
The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the son of a bitch is four?”
After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
“What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.”

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where
Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, “…. and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, “The sky is falling, the sky is falling!”
The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?”
One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: ‘Holy Shit! A talking chicken!’”
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
“I’m Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter.”
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, “I’m Jane Sugarbrown.”
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, “Aren’t you Mr. Sugarbrown’s daughter?”
She replied, “I thought I was, but mother says I’m not.”

10. A little girl asked her mother, “Can I go outside and play with the boys?”
Her mother replied, “No, you can’t play with the boys, they’re too rough.”
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, “If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?”

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake …
The barber says to her, “Sweetheart, you’re gonna get hair on your Twinkie.”
She says, “Yes, I know, my mom already told me and I’m gonna get bigger boobies too.”

Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!

Wie heeft het dak van m’n cabrio open laten staan?

Mag ik even een bezempje lenen.

Helaas is deze software alleen zwart te koop!

Hiep, hiep hoera HET SNEEUWT!

Sommige vrouwen vragen veel aandacht

Amsterdam - In Amsterdam hangen verspreid door de stad een aantal reclame-posters met kleurrijke afbeeldingen die de theaterbezoeker moet lokken. Een schoonmaker kon vandaag de rode blos op zijn wangen niet verbergen toen hij de opdracht kreeg om de dame op het poster eens lekker schoon te schrobben.

Gewapend met een emmer koud water en een schuurspons wreef de schoonmaker de lichaamsdelen schoon. Voorbijgangers zagen er de lol van in waardoor de opmerkingen als: ‘wat een xxxklus’ aan het adres van de schoonmaker niet van de lucht waren.

De schoonmaker kon er eigenlijk alleen maar om lachen. Wel gaf hij te kennen, nog nooit zo’n grote dame te hebben gewassen.

Tot Logs. .

Waar is toch de “any” key?

 COMPAQ FAQ: Where is the “ANY” key? (FAQ2859)

This is not a key. When you are instucted to press any key, this means you press any off the keys on the keyboard (such as the enterkey, the R key or the spacebar).

Tot Logs. .

Tot Logs. .